I’ve cried after every single one of the tests I’ve written this year in school so far.
(Yes. I am a sensitive person. Perhaps overly sensitive.)
After every one of these exams, the greatest lie that I’ve had to battle is this one:
“I AM STUPID.”
Of course to which, all of my lovely friends (when I’ve expressed this struggle) have lovingly responded, “You’re not stupid.” But of course, I don’t believe that. It’s because I’ve stubbornly chosen to dictate my worth through these numbers
What I’m realizing is that it comes down to this silly fact that in our society, we base our identities on numbers.
How much money we make
How many relationships we have or haven’t had
How much square footage in our houses
How old we are
How many countries we’ve visited
There are so many other numbers that we use to dictate our worth.
WHY do we do that?!
I’ve chosen to believe that all there is to me is what you see,
what can be measured by a one or a three, but really- in reality
if my worth was completely based on something created,
then I am flawed like a Picasso
out of key like an old piano
But what if my worth was based on a perfect love? A perfect creator?
Someone who sees me, who loves me, and adores me and tells me my purpose is for something greater?
What if I saw myself the way that He sees me?
Then the numbers would fall away
I would see the beauty and the design of my brokenness,
masterpiece created by a Master Artist
I could hear that perfect pitch, my verse in harmony
just a small piece of the Great Symphony
by the gust of great love,
a fierce wind that shatters the prison of numbers
I could be free, if I would only believe that He is the only number that matters. He’s the ONE who cares for me. He’s the ONE who created me. He’s the ONE who died for me.
I am not stupid. I am not dumb. I am blessed to go to school, and to learn, but more than that: I am blessed to be known, loved and called worthy by a perfect Creator who loves with His perfect, unconditional love.