To be honest, I have been struggling so much with this.
Often we think of this word as meaning “belief in someone or something..” The top definition in the dictionary is in fact “confidence or trust in someone or something“
My ‘faith’ in the sense of believing in God, believing that he exists and that Jesus came and died… that has not waivered.
My ‘faith’ in the second sense of trusting him- that is where the epic fail is.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5,6
This verse is well known, and yet when God brought this one to me the other day, it still made me cry. When was the last time I trusted God with all of my heart, with all of the things that are embedded within my heart?
When was the last time I NEEDED God? Truly allowed myself to need him? I am so independent. I am strong. I can do it. I don’t need anyone.
NEED= vulnerability. Who in their right mind chooses to be vulnerable? Living in a country where my needs are limited. I am limited to living a life with everything I could possibly ever NEED, yet a dry life with dry spirit NEEDING God’s fullness of life.
How do I choose to need God? What a weird question. “Ehjae, obviously everyone needs God, you can’t choose to need him. You already do.”
Isn’t it easy to NOT need God? Isn’t it easy to make choices that bring us all we could ever need? And if we go to church and fill our quota of spiritual deeds, we can get by, living on autopilot; especially if the church we go to isn’t focused on the conviction of sins- but on preaching comfortable messages that make us feel good.
Take a good look at your life. RUN! Run away from things that make you comfortable. RUN away from things that bring you relief and keep you from NEEDING GOD. RUN to God’s embrace. RUN for his glory.
I am not saying that you should go home today, grab all your clothes and food, throw it on the streets and sell your house and belongings so that you can live in poverty. I am saying that we should look inwardly, evaluate; what is it that we possess today that is keeping us from realizing our NEED for God?
I am saying that for those of you who are currently living in NEED.. God will provide. Allow him to. Do not live in stubborn independence.
I am not saying that you should quit your job. But evaluate; where is God in your job? Are you actively pursuing Him through what you do? Maybe you should make some choices to bring Him into that part of your life. Maybe you should spend less time in the corporate world and more time seeking Him with your family.
As for trusting Him, I struggle with this. I am currently struggling with this. It’s so easy to say that we NEED him, but how can we drop all these things if we don’t trust that he will provide for us? How can I go on if I don’t know that the path I am on is one that he marked out?
He gave me these words from His scripture:
“In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” Psalm 5:3
My challenge has become this:
1. What are my needs? Lay them before the LORD. I desire to give everything to Him.. I am trying to force myself to trust him. In my heart, I know that He is faithful and that there is no better place to go.. Where else could I bring my problems?
2. Expect a blessing. When I was in high school, heading to an extremely uncomfortable situation, my mom prayed with me, marked me with the sign of a cross, kissed my forehead and said, “Expect a blessing” I went, expecting God to perform some great miracle. It was still an incredibly uncomfortable experience. No miracle. One wrought with pain, tears and frustration.. but God was faithful, and I have never forgotten that weekend because of his fulfillment on my expectations, simply through his comforting presence and small reminders of his love.
“Wait in Expectation” vs 3… expect that God will hear your prayers and act. He will provide.
This reminds me of the scene in Indiana Jones The Last Crusade, when Indiana is standing over a canyon, wondering how to get across, and he finally steps out in faith, not knowing what to expect. He holds out his leg and steps down… onto an invisible bridge which takes him across.
Sometimes I feel like I am at the edge looking down into a pit of hopelessness, the unknown, and a world of hurt. Why would God bring me so far, just to have me stuck at the edge here?
I’m terrified. But God has something here for me. I just have to step out and trust that it’s here, even if I can’t see it.
We have to take the step. God has provided the way, even if we can’t see it, but it won’t help us unless we trust that it’s there.
Writing this down has spoken to me more than it probably has for anyone else. Funny how God works.